Kiplings thoughts

ive been down and out for a few so i've been drinking heavily for a while.
thats never good. theres days where i can stop, but some days are impossible not to. even by myself....

im tired of wishing and hoping. i wish there was a sign in my brain to point me in the right direction.
i guess im tired of complaining as well.

even though divided, friends and family are distant.

i write and play music every single day. its the only thing that helps me escape from reality.

i've been saving money for a car and a record.

ive been doing pretty well thus far, but see the record as more important.
i miss music.

i miss happiness.

i miss the times where making people bob there head was important.
i guess this all goes with age.

i never enjoyed cats until i met kate.
her cat moby is wonderful.
she sleeps on my stomach.

i kind of want one now.. lol :)

i wish for alot of things.
every 11:11, shooting star, or penny thrown i wish for the same thing.
for the people i love to be happy.

of course i wish the same for me, but in the time being i wish more for the others.
they are wonderful.

i am miserable...

my coffee buzz has gone away.
back to sadness.

Love is the greatest thing a heart can know
But the hole that it leaves in its absence can make you feel so low

all you need is love and love is dangerous.

i see your hiney
all nice and shiney.
you better hide it
before i bite it!

i feel like a lil baby boy today.
i had tomato soup, grilled cheese, and some fruit punch for lunch today.
mmm.

softball practice today.
softball cost $50. thats a good price for fun with friends i think..

everytime i find out ben homola is coming into town i try to rush and write a few songs so i can record. i think songwriting suffers when you rush. well, most the time anyway.

i stayed in last night for the first time in a while. rodna, nick armas and i wrote 50's style love songs. it was nice not to go out and just stay in and drink some new castles with buddies.
we actually come up with some good/fun stuff.

next game im playing second base.
ive never really played second before.
ive played first my whole life asshole.

one more thingy ding. i purchased an old school dan marino jersey from a guy who "gets the hook up" lol. i pick it up tomorrow!

oh.. does anyone know of any good gyms around downtown ft myers? i go to adas in cape coral, but it becoming too far, and would much rather have a gym closer to home. thank you.


bye.

Current Location: downtown
Current Mood: curious
Current Music: 50's love song

so i guess this thing still exist?
i have started to live my life from an old saying.. "live within your means"
i hope it works out. i would love to have money for the future.
im going to talk to my uncle who is a stock broker and maybe start a IRA.
im excited, but not..

ahh money is gross.

every time i cut my hair short, i wish i never had grown it long.
its been short for over a week, and i just feel better about myself lol.

being a "boss" at work is rewarding, but it has alot of negative sides..

i really want to buy a car, and think i have the money to do it, but dont want to..

fuck it!!

benjamin woosley told me some news about his adventures in los angeles.
he wants to pay me to go out there for 4 months and work on a movie that he talked to a producer about.
im thinking about just going and trying it out. i know i can write and act in something interesting, but thats what alot of people think.

he gave me alot of confidence in telling me that i am talented and that "alot of people out here cant touch your pure talent in comedy and acting."

this made me feel good, and got me to thinking..

im sure there is 100,000 better, more qualified people than I...
but i feel like taking an adventure, yet there is soo much at stake..

i leave a good paying job. i leave a roommate stranded, and i leave lovey doves.
ugga wugga.. sorry to vent, but this is a hard decision. OMG i forgot how to spell that word!!!!

i never really use the internet anymore, and when i do, i use things like livejournal that no one uses anymore..

love to all..

seanboatkiplinglovesroyorbison.

Current Location: downtown fm
Current Mood: anxious
Current Music: roy orbison

i have a school boy crush on reverend run's daughter angela. shes a cutie batootie.
its strange, i used to think the other daughter was cuter

does anyone use lj anymore? haha its bizarre.

things are good for me. money's good and friends are good.

ive become a supervisor at where i work. crazy for the fact ive only been there a month.
i always make sure im the first one there and the last to leave!!!

im buying a new 52 in flat screen for rodney and i's apartment.
i think it should tie everything together nicely.

ada's is a cool gym. im gonna start working out there with friends.

ive been too lazy lately, and need to start working out and eating right again.
i miss that in a weird way...

i did run tonight though, 2.5 miles. yay!! right?

i have been writing some songs lately and plan to record with benjamin homola.
im quite excited!!!

this whole post i have written naked lol.

and im pretty sure puppy beagles are the cutest thing in the world.

bye bye lj

im playing an open mic night wednesday.
its down where the old liquid cafe used to be in downtown ft myers.
im pretty nervous. ive never played by myself before.
but i guess its not a big deal.

if you've stopped receiving text messages from me lately, ive been trying super hard not to go over.. i know, i should probably just get another plan.... blah.

im grateful.

if you knew me, you would know my love is in the southland.
i figured out, that nothing intrigues my mind more than ol' florida.
the history, the architecture, and the scenery.

they're is something about this great state that gets my blood a boiling!
i love how you can go to the cape coral pier, where i live, and stand 2 feet away from a pelican.
i also love the breeze you get when you sit in an empty field along the caloosahatchee.

there's alot to offer, and alot of "city-goers" dont see it.

yes, everyone in there youth wants to see the big lights and city dreams. i was one of them.
but what about the small towns..
they have alot to offer as well.

the south has created some of the best music in the world, as some of the best traditions.
the good ol' southern hospitality. and we all know about the good ol' sweet tea adventures we've been on!

i am grateful to see and hear all the good stories i've been told throughout the years.
my family members have embraced me, day in and day out with them.

yes, i do have half of my family in new england, but they dont have the same stories.

the south is a way of life, and a way of living.
the south is full of the stories that have been told.
its a weird way of living, but its living.

its southern living.

i love all of my friends.

im going to church sunday.
im looking forward to it.
i want to have faith.

i cant shake these on-going dreams/nightmares.
they dont even make sense. ive never been the kind of person that had continuous dreams.
i got a fortune cookie the other day that read "your about to go on a long, successful adventure"
awesome.

though i have never been a firm believer of the fortune cookie, i want to believe this one.

im going to orlando tonight to hang out and see a show.
i think it will be a good escape for me. i wish it was for more then one day though!

big days coming up!

i'm sad.

Current Mood: embarrassed

all that you've been askin
is right in front of you.
i have bedroom eyes and am listening to a3.
i love you mr. andriano.
i am a sleepy head!

Current Mood: apathetic

i started recording a song today that i wrote.
i like it.

brother wildcat.

i miss happy songs.

last night was very relaxing.
then it got crazy!
dance party crazy!
what the hell happened?

i busted every move out that i could think of lol.

i cant wait anymore.
next week seems soo far away :(

i think im going to re-arrange my room, and i dont think im going to have my bed in it.
maximize the space ya know?

sometimes like now, when im on the computer, stubbs comes in and says hi. it makes me happy.
we both say whats up and then he leaves. we understand our relationship.

today's forecast doesn't show rain and that bums me out sorta.
i have this thing for weather. its always fascinated me. well, more bad weather i suppose. thats more interesting. plus, i think its because i was a huge wuss when i was young and got really scared during summer thunderstorms. i remember looking outside and seeing the nastiest looking clouds, and constantly paying attention to them. waiting for something bad to happen.

on my off time, i have been watching cooking shows. i love imagining having a nice kitchen like that and cooking for people. little dinner parties with nice music in the background.
i cant really do that where i live. it doesn't really have that sorta setting.

this is weird, but i havent really caught up on sports lately. i watch less and less each week and i dont know why... ill watch it, but i dont make an attempt to watch it.

go magic!!

on the black crayola marker it says negro on it. thats not nice.

you know...pelicans arent afraid of shit. they fly right by your car when your on the bridge, and they'll just chill with you on piers. its cool, and with that they're one of my favorite birds. plus they're ugly, and thats nice.

even though its late, i want one of my new years resolutions to be conquering my fears of fun. you know, roller coasters, the ocean, heights, etc. i think i have missed out on alot.

i dont think ill ever grow out my hair again. what a pain in the butt that was...
i also think ill keep hair on my face for a while. just a lil bit. i dont enjoy the nakedness.
with that, i am out.

stay out of trouble, and take care.

Current Mood: dorky
Current Music: the get upkids- im a loner dottie, a rebel

there is no better way to end the night then with hot dogs and the office.
period. with some other periods behind it..

why was reeses invented?
its soo delicious.
its my weakness...

i need to go somewhere.

i like this thing called music.
i have been doing it alot more lately.
i dont mind being criticized. i actually like it.
i need to start getting back into the groove of being a bass player. its been a while.
rodney and i decided that the name maisy is the best name for a girl.
if i ever have a little girl, thats what her name would be. maisy. AWW!!! :)
i think our band name is orioles. not sure yet though, but i like it. do you?
yesterday was nice. i love the smell of rain. i also like the feeling you get when you smell it.
its funny how many things can make you remember something.
pretty much everything has a memory to it. be it a smell, a taste, picture, etc..
memories are always sad. even if what you are remembering was a happy moment.
screw that. thats not fair.
im worried.
i hate how lee county ems has a limited amount of jobs.
once i get my certificate, ill feel alot better about myself.
i love not making sense and talking about random things when i do lj posts.
my brother rented the movie role models.
i watched it 4 times all the way through.
for some reason, it put me in a good mood, so i kept watching it.
i think sean william scott has a nice body now.
im writing alot of songs lately.
im going to be doing one with alot good musicians.
i hope it works out.
marc davis owns alot of instruments.
hes cool.
i have a new favorite place to go to. its called icehouse.
icehouse is a bar in downtown punta gorda.
the bartenders their are nice and they play good music.
they also have alot of IPA's. yum yum
i went there the other night and played darts.
for some reason todays date, the 15th, feels like a day where something's happening.
life is scary.
life always has its ups and downs.
ups are the best.
i dont think i could ever live somewhere not close to water.
i dont love water though..
i once went on a cruise and was terrified of the idea.
brown eyed girl by van morrison is one of my fav songs ever.
ive loved it since i was a little bubble butt boy.
downs are the worst.
growing up i hated my nickname. "seanboat"
eww
looks like its going to rain again.
here comes that feeling..
damn it feels good. but weird at the same time.
i used to write scripts.
i never showed anyone...
i just found my passport.
i think ill need it.
i took my dog destiny to the vet.
i hated it.
i hate seeing her in pain.
shes australian. she can handle it.
i love dunkin donuts coffee. why is it soo good?
there bagels are good too.
donuts are pretty good.
im glad i dont smoke anymore.

im skipping a space. thats means i am done.
i am tired of writing this post.
rub a dub dub. im in a tub.

Current Mood: blank

all i want in life is what everybody wants.
happiness.

thats not unique.

and im bummed.

yesterday as a whole was a lot of fun.
it's nice being in the company of friends.

im shakin in my shoes!
but they're new!

they're new shoes!

im an idiot.

i have lost everything.

Current Mood: depressed

im hurting myself over and over.
i know ive dug my own grave, and thats hard to accept.
im losing everything.

its easy to look at the bright side of things, but not when you feel everything slipping away from you.

im in a state of mind thats new to me.
its a state of mind i never wanted to experience, and now that i am, i dont know how to deal with it.

give me some credit, im new at this.

ive never dealt with so much in such a short amount of time.
who knows, maybe it will get easier.

anyway, i am having a bbq saturday at my place.
its going to start at 11:30-12 oclock.
its going to be good fun, music and food.

if you would like to bring something, we have no problem cooking it.
im in the process of trying to get a grill. if anyone knows of any, let me know.
i might go ahead and buy one. but none the less, we will only have a limited supply of food and drinks, so were looking for help from anyone.

you can bring anything you want. it shall be a good time.
its a good time i think that we all need.

oh, and if you are reading this,you are invited.
just let me know!

sean's telephone: (239) 822-1033

everything right now in my life taste sweet.

i hope everyone remembers today is anzac's day.

Anzac Day is a national day of remembrance in Australia and New Zealand, and is commemorated by both countries on April 25th every year to honor members of the Australian and New Zealand Army Corps (ANZAC) who fought at Gallipoli in Turkey during World War I.

Anzac Day marks the anniversary of the first major military action fought by Australian and New Zealand forces during the First World War.

Over 8,000 Australian and 2,700 New Zealand soldiers died......

and now i feel a hot one shaking me down.... :/

"this old machine
has been good to me
all of my life
i have waited for you"

i literaly played that song in my room over and over on guitar and sang it.


i love it.

Current Mood: flirty

i cant sleep and my stomach hurts.
i hate myself for not knowing exactly what was said last night..
i guess alcohol does that to you.
im over it.
its not even worth it.

my plans are ruined and i hurt someone i love.
how shitty is that?

i feel like absolute shit.

i am a dirt bag.
a fucking huge one.

ive been in a weird mood lately.
ive tried to be chipper about things going on, but i feel like they just dont care....

whatever.

im fine.

i have a live burn tomorrow, that should lighten things up.
or maybe they might just heat things up!! hahahahaha

i feel like a loser again....

:(

rodney, skyler and i wrote a song yesterday and it came out good.
we have planned to write for a while but never got around to it...
im glad we did.. i believe good things are gonna come.

in other news, cathy is in chicago enjoying the sights and sounds, and taste's...
i miss her very much. when she gets back in, i plan on doing something nice for her. she deserves it. she's a good gf.

school on the other hand has been boring as hell this week!

i see myself moving more and more. especially after school.

thats it, pretty boring..

bye.